Raistlin & Cain At The Movies: An Epic Intro

All right everybody, sit down, shut up and pay attention. This will be on the test. What test? THE! FUCKING! TEST! If you know what it is, you are prepared. If you don’t… I dunno. I got nothing. All set up, no follow through. What do you expect? George R.R. Martin is my senpai.

Right, so, got something new and fun here for you guys today. I am going to be collaborating with one of my friends.

Yes. I have friends. Try not to be so shocked. Some people find me charming. A few of them aren’t in mental institutions. Here’s one. Raistlin! Say something nice.

Raist: Erm….what was that about not being in mental institutions? I did tell you I was on leave right? I didn’t? Okay guess I left that part out, my mistake.

Godammit, dude.

Raist: So, something nice huh? That really isn’t my specialty, being an evil blackrobed mage that eventually wants to take over the world and all, but erm well I’ll give this nice thing a try. Hi everyone! I’m Raistlin, a guy living in Holland (and that’s in Europe), who loves movies, all things sci-fi/fantasy/supernatural/anime, so the simple and abbreviated version of all this is erm: I’m a total geek. And yes I happen to be friends with Cain because he’s well as he said quite charming. So, well, was that nice enough?

Didn’t incinerate anybody with a fireball, so I’m gonna call it plenty nice.

Raist: Don’t give me any good ideas now!

That’s for later!

Ahem.

Told you I had friends. He’s got a blog and everything. Totally isn’t one of my other personalities. He may have even asked me out and promised there would be pizza. That’s how charming and charismatic I am, on occasion.

Raist: Don’t forget to tell them it’s Pizza Hut…I do have my own standards you know?

It’s a personal taste thing.

I’m good with that. As I always say, I’m easy, but I’m not cheap. Unless I say the total opposite for humorous reasons at any given moment. I do that a lot. It’s almost like I’m just making this shit up as I go. Probably because I am. I mean, I had a plan once. I forget what it was, but it was awesome. Was pretty cheap, too. Just wasn’t easy.

Raistlin, save us all from my rambling tangents by explaining what the fuck it is we’re are actually doing here.

Raist: Okay, I guess my plans for taking over the world have to be delayed again…sigh. I have already taken my mage Test you know, why do I know have to have another test of explaining things? Right…okay, I’ll do it, where’s Caramon when you need him. Anyways: I had this idea that since Cain and I both love movies, we would do this collab where we talk about films. Basically, we both pick a movie genre, and the other picks a movie from that genre to watch, and interviews the other about that movie over on their respective blogs. Pretty straight forward but well fun I guess. Even for me. I know shocking that I would say that right?

What he said. Pretty good with words. Probably ought to be a writer or something, God knows somebody around here should make shit up and get paid for it.

Wait…

Shit.

Will Ferrell DRIZZY MARVIN'S ROOM kevin hart get hard gethardmovie •

Okay, let’s do this! It’s time to spin the big movie wheel. There is no big movie wheel. Sorry. Budget restrictions. Also legal ones. I’m not allowed to own any big wheels after that hamster incident.

Raist: Want me to try and use my dark magic to conjure up that movie wheel?

No, I don’t wanna get in trouble with the hamster rights people again. They don’t seem threatening, but they just nibble away at you till you wanna scream. It’s awful.

Moving on.

So, as Raislin said, we pick a genre, and then the other one picks a movie. Now, over at his site, he went with 80’s action movies, and I immediately made him watch Big Trouble in Little China, cause you don’t get more 80’s than that.

Go to his blog for that post. Just click the previous sentence. It works. Trust me. It has less swearing, but more monkey spanking. Don’t judge. He’s from Holland. Which somehow makes him Dutch and not Hollish. I never did understand that.

Anyway. I am also a big fan of 80’s action flicks, cause that’s when I was a kid, and I am now old, and I thought it’d be fun to start this possibly ongoing collaboration by having both of us jump into the same dirty pool.

Raist: Dude, you can forget jumping into any dirty pools. I already jumped into the Abyss once, and have a lot of bad memories about that.

I really need better metaphors, and you really need better hobbies. Just saying.

Hey, here’s Raisltin again! He’s gonna tell us what movie I’m watching.

Raist: I am? Oh yeah…I guess I am. Well I already picked 80’s action movies for my own genre and you chose the movie….. for me to watch. Now by sheer and total coincidence, you chose that same genre. Go figure right? So what movie do I choose for you now? Hmm….lets see……Since we are going with the 80’s action vibe, and John Carpenter is totally 80’s, I think it’s fun for you to watch one of his movies too. How about: Escape from New York?

Now that is a classic movie. One of my favorites, actually. It’s been a minute since I watched it last, so this is gonna be awesome!

Okay kids, there it is. We are gonna watch some movies, then we’re going to attempt to have a conversation about those movies, but I think we all know it’s gonna fall apart and just become me and Raist making fart jokes for a thousand words.

Wouldn’t be life if it didn’t.

Watch for our interview reviews coming soon!


14 thoughts on “Raistlin & Cain At The Movies: An Epic Intro

    1. I know, right? Have been for days since Raist mentioned it. I just don’t wanna drive thirty miles to get some, cause, ya know, pandemic and all.

      But yeah, fun! Already is, honestly. He and I are having a blast and we haven’t even started discussing the movies.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, it’s almost certainly going to end up going Statler and Waldorf. I mean, these are movies we actually love, but it’s me and Raist, and we are already having way too much fun and cracking jokes at each other in our emails. I’m like 90% sure this is gonna go goofy.

      Though, going the MST3K route could be fun, too. If we could sync up our times right being seven hours apart.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You could be having lunch while your movie-watching partner is preparing for an early (for them those Europeans) dinner. Might be fun to see you guys throw stuff at the screen in real time.

        Like

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